Ok. I don’t want to get too positive… I’m the kind of person who sees the glass as half empty. But for the benefit of myself I will see the glass as kinda empty.

I am fortunate to have my daughter. She is growing up to be a good kid. I’m proud of her, but I realize I need to help her still. I am fortunate to have my family. My mom, dad and brother have put up with so much from me. If they had known how I would turn there lives upside down my mom probably would have opted for an abortion and my dad would have been all for it.

I haven’t talk to my dad since christmas eve. And I feel like a nazi but I’m ashamed of all that I have to tell him. So I have decided to write it in a letter. I’m still scared of him. Guess I always will be.

I need the will power to reach goals. I realize my lazy ass is scared of hard work these days, and I can’t focus on what I need to do. It is all starting to come together though.

I have to start working out! I must lay off the beer! I want to be better for my daugater and my family.

I want to be better for him

I’m stuck. I really thought I knew where I was going in life, but now I’m not so sure of myself. I’m trying to get healthy again, I’m taking control of my finances, but my ambition has pretty much vanished.

I don’t know what direction to go in professionally. I like my job, but I really want to finish my bachelors degree and move on.

I can’t decide, I can’t find the motivation to decide. All I can think about is how I have failed in pretty much everything.

My situation is a funny one. Never did I think I would be in the situation I’m in. These are trying times for me, but I’m a soldier.

I must get readers for my blog. Or else this particular therapy won’t help. I want to be praised, adored, judged and criticized.

On to the updates:
The ex: we don’t talk much anymore
My new guy: things are going slowly but surely
The pit bull: found him a new home
The dui situation: missed 3rd group, my counselor is going to kick my ass.
Last but certainately not least, my kid: she’s going on 13, these are trying times for her. These next 9 months will be excrutiating for her until I get my license back. Not only does she have to deal with my unfortunate situation, she is becoming a young lady trying to deal with herself, peers and an insane mother.

I file my divorce papers tomorrow. I never thought I would get married let alone get a divorce. It is kinda strange. My daughter hasn’t taken it lightly. That’s to be expected.

I have several issues I’m dealing with right now. I really don’t know how I have held up with all the problems I have been facing.

I am on to a new chapter in my life and I’m finding closure is helpful. I have deleted me ex from my friends on facebook. I thought it would be better for the both of us.

Its time to stand up and dust myself off and keep going. I lost a lot in the last 3 1/2 months as well as gained. *sigh* My husband and I are divorcing, I have lost my license due to a dui and since I won’t be driving I’m giving my car up to the finance company.

I realize now, I am finding myself. I realize it was a dumb ass round about way, but I lose self control when I’m going through things. I want something so bad, and I lost track of my life and reality.

My life is back on track. It has to be. I will work and come home and bribe people to give me rides.

I’m disappointed in myself, but I’m taking advantage of this chance to better myself and my life.

I’m33 and still fighting the same battle. I just realized today how pathetic, disorganized, and tragic my life is. I’m officially a single mother now. I have to get myself to work even though I will have no drivers license for a year.

I need to take this time to pick myself up and dust myself off. I need to assess my drinking and my anger. I must work on not procrastinating.  There will be some painful changes, but its necessary in order to change my life for the better.

I realize that.  I know what is wrong. I cannot fool myself, family and friends any longer. It is true I am lost, but I am finding myself again.  I must work on healing.

So I said I was going to write about food and I think I jinxed it.

Well I made a super breakfast for myself, the kid and a friend. It was so yummy. Then my friend left and myself and the kid got ready and went to dad’s for the premade turkey dinner. It was a fine dinner. Those premade dinners are pretty good.

So this is where the jinx comes in. We get to moms around 6:30 and the dinner isn’t even close to being done. The turkey lurkey is taking forever to cook. 9:30 rolls around and I decide I gotta get going. So not only did I not eat the gravy, I didn’t get anything else either.

My mom sent me home with some pie, homemade cranberry sauce and yams. I told her to send some turkey with my brother when he brings the kid back.

So no turkey dinner @ moms. That’s what I get for bitching about gravy.

I wish family and friends a Happy Thanksgiving, and I’m totally sincere.

But I really don’t like the holidays. I have had bad times around the holidays and, well, I am now. Then with the fact that I don’t like freakin’ gravy because of an awful traumatic experience that happened during the 06 holiday season.

Blah. Enough of my woes. I do like food and that’s all the holidays are good for is food.

I think I’m gonna write a post about food… screw my misery.

I am blogging from the G1. Yep, just as the title says.

I’m having a tough day. A tough life is more like it. I always have some crisis, drama or a wrench being thrown in the works.

Drama Queen, you were thinking it. My mother thinks I thrive on drama. Its scary, but she’s right. I mean I was thinking about it and when everything is going smooth I can’t stop talking about the next bad thing that’s gonna happen.

Anyway, bullshit aside I have A LOT going on. Good things include work, school, this man… bad things include work, school and all men.

The residence has changed…

My daughter is 12 now and shes beginning to despise me. Its ok though, the feeling is mutual. She is doing good in school and that’s all I can really ask for right now.

I have this herculean pit bull. Think young hercules in the disney movie. An awkward kid who doesn’t know his own strength. He keeps the cats pissed at me permanatley.

So I havent made mention of a husband. We are divorcing. He’s actually pestering me for the papers and I wanted the divorce. I gotta send those off…

So notice how before I speak of a “man” and have mentioned my divorce. I didn’t exactly leave one for the other, but yeah… can’t say much about it now…

Then there is a small *cough*dui*cough* issue.
Stupid, idiot. Yes, I know.

My Life is a mess.

But entertaining nonetheless.

I have a lot to do now. Leave me alone.

Rad… I found this app to use on my g1. I need to blog more and need to do it from anywhere. I have a lot going on in my life and need an outlet. I am way to connected now…