Yes I said it. But right now everything is crumbling down. My car, my marriage, my career.

My car has been acting up, we have spent almost $400 on it in the last 3 weeks and I had to borrow most of that money. My job isn’t bringing in the money I need and it isn’t going in the direction I wanted it to go. I am just trying to find something to balence it out or a whole new job… i dont know.

So I’m dealing with all of that, then I previously borrow money from my saint of a brother who not only told me dont rush paying him back, but loaned me the before mentioned $400. So I told him and my mother we weren’t taking any presents, only food, because my mom bakes good x;). And then I decided we should only exchange ornaments. But I couldn’t take presents. How could I when he loans me money and I’m so stressed we can’t pay him back right away. I just couldn’t tak the presents! there was no way!
They ended up giving up presents anyway. x;*/ I was MORTIFIED! i don’t want to look ungrateful, but surprise and anger and foolishness all welled up inside me and all I said was ” If you got me out here just to make me look like a fool” this was followed by the “no no amy” and I just wanted to die. I held back tears all night through Pirates of the Caribbean At World’s End and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

Then I got in to a spat with my husband when we went to the car to get our blankets… even though my marriage is bothering me.. its not something I’m probably goingto get in to… it… just is bothering me x;|

I am in a bad position at the moment and I don’t like it. I’m getting desperate. That usually ends up in something really really good, or a major self destructive episode…

On a more sane note… my daughter was overjoyed with the Vans we got her. I ordered a dress early enough and it didnt get here. We bought her two other gifts which she will get when she comes back this weekend.