this time last year

Today I remembered where I was last year. I was terribly sick in bed and pissed because I couldn't enjoy thanksgiving. Now this thanksgiving I am miserable I don't have my baby.

The feeling of not being woman enough to carry a child is weighing on me. I couldn't do it because I was so sick. It is an emptiness that has haunted me.

I can't even talk about it. My family gets this glazed look in there eyes when I bring any aspect of the situation up. Then we have to move on to another subject, because it would be wrong for anyone besides myself to be miserable.

We have been talking about just getting pregnant again and getting the help I need this time because my family knows what to do. But seriously, how bad would I have had to get before they would have got me help anyway? I don't know if I can trust them.