we have moved... and an updated plan

We have moved. I now live in Stockton,Ca. The place is cuter and the rent is cheaper. This is one step towards getting pregnant again... less rent!

My husband and I have devised a plan for income when I get pregnant. I currently have a pretty neat part time job that i don't want to lose. I take pictures of cars for used car dealers and upload them to the internet. I do about 10 car dealers and will be marketing soon so I will hopefully have a couple more accounts.

Anyway the place we just moved to is a big Victorian house divided into 3 apartments. The landlord lives about 1 1/2 hours away and manages other properties also. He decided to give us the place because my husband is a handyman. He can rip out and install cupboards and counter tops and windows. He can wire for the electricity, paint, he can do it all really. So hes going to be doing handyman stuff around here. Hes going to try to turn it into a full time job with in the next year. Then before I get pregnant I will train him to do my job and he will take over the cars for about 3 months. I know it might sound far fetched, but we have been making things happen lately. Of course the plan might change like it has in the past 8 months since we decided that we wanted to get pregnant again. We just have to be smart about it all. We have to make sure we have an income while i'm pregnant and after.

We are really determined to get pregnant. I'm sure all those who have, are or will be dealing with a HG pregnancy know it is a very trying time, but you want that little baby so bad. At the same time too, you don't want to jeopardized your family thats already here. It is a difficult matter and planning for it will only make us succeed.

Its Just Depressing

I haven't been writing here I think because the subject really depresses me. I want to have another child so bad and it just can't happen now. I am really struggling with previous pregnancies that were terminated or lost. Especially the last one 8 months ago.

I am very frustrated that I didn't get the help I deserved. Every time I see a pregnant woman it is all I can do to hold back the tears. My daughter is about to turn 10 and I just keep thinking that I want to do this soon. I am only 30, but I feel like time is just flying by. I guess that would be that biological clock ticking away.

I hate that I get so sick when I get pregnant. I can't stand hearing how most women bearly get sick and pop kids out left and right.

I really want to try again, but I just can't now. So my days are filled with things that keep my mind else where so I don't burst in to tears every moment of the day.

what i need and what i don't

Obviously I need loads of money to get pregnant again. Well not loads, but enough so I don't end up living in a shelter or worse, the gutter, puking my brains out.

I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that I can't have children normally. I mean I don't have infertility problems. I think this is gods evil way of installing birth control. I have terminated pregnancies due to HG. Ridicule me if you will, but if you ever had HG, you wouldn't blame me and you would know of other women that terminated due to HG, like I do.

I'm older now and a bit wiser, so I know getting pregnant by accident or planned won't help our situation at this moment in time.

I just want to scream and yell. At my mother, at my husband, at the doctor at the stupid county clinic that said I just wasn't sick enough.

a personal update

It is getting pretty close to the time to try to conceive, yet I don't think we are going to try. I think we might wait a couple months. We have issues like MONEY (blah) that make it difficult to have an HG pregnancy.

That doesn't mean I won't be updating this blog. I have been running into some good stuff regarding accounts of HG or situations relating. I think I am in this for the long haul. "This " meaning HG education.

This i all very frustrating. I want to have another child, but a the same time I feel I am subjecting my family and myself to a death sentence. I can't talk enough about how HG can suck your life from you. I'm not talking about petty or vain life experiences. I am talking about finally going pee after holding it FOREVER (because you are too weak and sick to get up), because I will definitely piss myself if I don't.

There is never ending crying, vomiting, suicide thoughts, picturing your landlord throwing you and your family out of your home because there is no money for you pay rent. The horrible, doomed thoughts go on, what seems like, forever.

It is awful, but I have rights as a woman. I have exercised many rights as a woman and went through hell for it. This is no different.

counting down...

it is getting nerve wracking waiting for this day. then I'm wondering what if I don't conceive that month? oh god... i don't know if i can handle waiting another month.

There is still things that have to be done, but they will get done by july 3rd.

i am even wondering if i will even want to write in my blogs when I am sick. Well Wouldn't it be wonderful if Id dint get sick? I know I will. but I am trying to be optimistic.

anyways... its getting closer...

Dr. Phil Show Transcript

I didn't watch the show. I have a cold and had an obligation to get ready for so I skipped it.

Here is the link to the show. Click on The Hell of Hyperemesis.

This is going to be a rough journey for me. Its fabulous that this issue has gotten some national coverage. But I already know what the hell is and what it can do to your head.

I need all the well wishers and support I can get.

My friend Valinda Has signed on for cleaning and to take me scheduled appointments when shes needed. In return I am going to help her paint the inside of her house. :)

Things are coming together.

how do you know?

you are probably asking "how do you know if you'll suffer from HG in this pregnancy?"

I suffered it when I was pregnant with my daughter and without going into my history, I can say that I know I will.

Some might think its all in my head, and by anticipating it I am setting myself up for it.

Sure... if I don't get sick, it will truely be miraculous.

I'm not sure why pregnancy has the effect on me that it has, but HG happens to others as well.

So things are in the planning stages and they are picking up.

I don't know if I will suffer from it this time... but I'm sure as hell planning for it ;)

first post

I am planning to get pregnant in July. I am so excited. But there is only one problem. When I get pregnant I suffer from HG or hyperemesis gravidarum. So I dedicate this blog to my family, my doctor, my future son or daughter and last but not least, myself. HG is horrible and can put you in a depressed state of mind.

I shall chronicle my planning and everything from that point to post partum. I am keeping track of my cycles on http://www.cyclespage.com/. I should be ovulating between july 4th and july 7th.

I have been planning for about 3 months already. The next step is insurance. I will be on my Husbands kaiser and I will soon be interviewing doctors. We are going to be making purchases to make it more comfortable for me such as a shower seat and a table I can work on in bed.

This will be a tough journey with great rewards.